The BF and I found ourselves at a club on Saturday night in a strange city. We were there with a bunch of friends as that particular city is celebrating its 400th birthday.  The BF had arranged to meet a girl that we were friends with a couple summers ago who now lives in this city.  I need to mention that this girl is drop dead gorgeous. Tall, blonde, beautiful. When our friends met her they ALL commented on how gorgeous she is.

In any case, BF was drunk (more so than anyone else there) and while being drunk makes him more extroverted and friendly, it makes me more introspective and grouchy.  He kept putting his hands all over her. On her hips, affectionately on her leg and around her back. After a while I had had enough. I don’t know if it’s because she’s SO gorgeous and I looked like I had been walking outside in the cold all afternoon in a big warm sweater and hair all messed up from wearing a hat (which I had), but I had had enough of the innapropriate touching.

“I’m leaving.” I screamed at him over the loud music.

“But why?”

“I don’t care to watch you fondle other women right in front of me.”

“Okay wait. I’ll stop. Thank you for telling me that it was bothering you. I don’t want to upset you and I’m sorry that you’re upset. I’ll stop now, I didn’t realize that what I was doing was innapropriate.”

So, even when drunk he was apologetic and immediately stopped the innapropriate touching. Cue me feeling like a total idiot.

I don’t know what it is about this that upsets me so much. I literally want to vomit when I see him touch other women like that. He sees nothing wrong with it and tries not to do it only because he knows it upsets me. Part of me knows I over-react about this. I KNOW that he’s crazy about me, that all he talks about most of the time is how much he adores me. But still. There’s something about it (being over friendly with other women) that’s disturbing to me. 

I’m trying very hard to be more ‘chill’ about this.  I just sometimes find myself wondering WHY I feel this way.  I know it’s partly my own insecurity with myself (because I feel incredibly overweight and gross right now) and partly a trust issue with the BF.  When we first started dating he was sleeping with someone else in our close circle of friends and he still won’t tell me who it is and I suppose sometimes in situations like this, when he’s overly friendly, I wonder “Is it her? Are they flirting?”

The funny thing is, I found myself in this club on Saturday totally hating myself and wondering, “What’s happened to me? I was never this uptight before. I was never this jealous and controlling.” 

I wonder if it’s because of the Big Move, something that I have ZERO control over, that I feel that I need to over control other situations?

In any case, the Green Monster must be beaten. I know it’s not an attractive quality in a girlfriend and that if I don’t get this under control, he’ll get fed up and leave.

Any tips?