Our friends have left and I have a couple days of peace before another group arrive next week. The friends that just left are a couple we knew back home who are also posted abroad. The wife gave up a very promising career in HR to follow her husband (who used to be D’s roomate). It was nice being around someone else in my shoes and the two of us had some good conversations. She’s currently doing a diploma in Interior Design and she doesn’t plan to go back into HR. Interior Design is something she’ll be able to do anywhere and it’s perfect for our mobile life.
This has me thinking about things I can do where moving around and gaining experience in different countries will be an asset, rather than a check against me. I have a couple ideas brewing; but they mean completly changing the course of my life. Starting from scratch. Being re-trained. Making less money in the long-run, but having more flexibility.
I’ve run the idea by D, who repeats the same mantra whenever I run things by him: Do whatever makes you happy. I’ve tried to stress that this will mean less income from me when we are back in Canada even though the benefits will be that I’ll always be able to find work abroad and that this particular field will enable me to meet people quickly in any place we go. Again, he says, “If it will make you happy, I don’t care about the money. We can live off my salary alone anyway, so it’s not an issue. The issue is you being happy.”
It’s a bit scary though; giving up everything I’ve worked for in the last six-years. Starting over. I’ve done it so many times you’d think I’d be an old pro at it but it doesn’t make it less terrifying.
Even though I know this new career will be the best thing for me and I’m actually really excited about it – which says a lot – something is holding me back. And that thing is the lack of a wedding ring on my finger. I suppose I feel that if I’m going to change my whole life to be more flexible for his job, that I want to have that commitment from him.
Is that fair? Maybe not. But I’ve realized that it’s my bottom line. Deadline? My birthday, at the end of July.
7 Comments
April 13, 2009 at 7:37 pm
Will you tell him about the deadline? Also, what if he doesn’t want to propose yet…is that it? You packing up and offski?
April 13, 2009 at 8:47 pm
I think you are totally fair…I think that to be the woman to live with and give up everything, then he can’t say he’s not ready or undecided about marriage. You are totally just, I’m very passionate about this issue in general, I don’t beleive in waiting around for a man or long term engagements…you are not a car, he can’t test drive you before he decides if he wants to make the payment. Stick to your guns. I think you’ve done enough, sacrificing your career and your home and your health, now it’s his turn.
April 14, 2009 at 12:13 am
I agree with Crazykites here… time for him to step up.
April 14, 2009 at 6:42 am
Yep, same here. Marriage isn’t a death sentence.
April 14, 2009 at 11:31 am
Well, we’re having a talk tonight. (I have to schedule them because otherwise I chicken out.) We’ll see how it goes.
April 15, 2009 at 4:25 pm
i agree on the stepping up…hope your talk went ok. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet. I think as long as you are trying and keeping to your side of the bargin of trying to make it work he should stick to his xx
April 15, 2009 at 10:30 pm
Hope your talk went ok. Just remember we’re here for you, I know it’s lonely out there, but stay strong. Hopefully one day you’ll be feeling much happier.