Oh yes I am

Listening to Christmas music and dancing around the house.

A return of my appetite is surely worth this celebration.

Let me tell you about being pregnant and having sex

(Because someone posted a comment about it and I can’t respond to comments.)

Hubby and I have had sex about three times since I got pregnant. Why? Well, at first (in the beginning at 4-5 weeks) I would get really bad cramps after sex and that freaked me out because severe cramping is a sign of miscarriage. So we stopped.

And then I got nauseous. And tired. And now my belly is growing and it’s uncomfortable and the positions we CAN do it in (use your imagination) make me want to vomit because I’m moving around too much.

Maybe some women get all horny when they’re pregnant but personally I think it’s a myth. I think most pregnant woman feel like their bodies are being taken over my an alien and there’s nothing really sexy about that.

Plus, the exhaustion. You completely underestimate how tired you’re going to be all the time. I mean, when you think about it, my body has grown a couple cells into what is now the size of a peach, a little person with little organs all working away.

I’m tired just thinking about it.

Warning: Pregnancy hormones in full swing

I’m having one of those days where I’m doubting everything. Okay, not everything. Only one very specific thing. Hubby. It started today when I was fooling around online and plugged in data for our Chinese horoscope compatibility. The result? Completely incompatible. Of all of the Chinese signs, we are the two LEAST likely to work long-term. The site said, "You are two different people who will always feel like you are compromising yourselves just to get along."

So I did what any other hormonal pregnant woman would do. I cried.

And then I started re-thinking the last six months of my life. Should I have accepted the proposal? Should we have gotten married? Should I have gotten pregnant? Will he be a good father? Why hasn’t he stopped smoking yet? DOESN’T HE CARE ABOUT THIS BABY!?!?!?

And then I cried again.

It’s 8 p.m. and Hubby still isn’t home from work, Puppy is being a brat and I just can’t deal with it right now. I’m ignorning him, which of course makes him go, "OMG, what can I do to get her attention? Eat her shoes? Eat this bill? Rip this pillow?" I want to sink into a hot bath (but not too hot cause that’s not good for the baby) with a glass of wine (which of course I won’t do) and pretend I’m 20-years-old again and don’t have to deal with any of this stuff.

I’m also constantly starving, but don’t want to eat stupid Chinese food, I want food from HOME. I want pizza from HOME. I want tex mex food from HOME. I WANT TO GO HOME AND GORGE MYSELF ON HOME FOOD. But I can’t. And I’m starving. And nothing looks good to eat. And I’m getting fat but losing weight at the same time. All of a sudden I can’t sleep at night because my body isn’t my body anymore – things are moving around in there and it’s NOT COMFORTABLE.

I WANT HUBBY TO STOP SMOKING AND HE WON’T AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE.

Sweet Baby Jesus, I really am pregnant.

Almost, but not quite

I went to a local Irish pub for lunch today and ordered Shepherd’s Pie mostly because I wanted the mashed potatoes and was too lazy to make some for myself.

The pie comes and underneath the mashed potatoes, there is spaghetti sauce.

I’m so used to these little oddities about China that they don’t really bother me anymore. I just shrugged my shoulders and ate the spaghetti sauce.

Just another one of those ‘China Moments’.

I am slowly dying

So I caught a cold. Usually this wouldn’t really be the end of the world, but the thing is pregnant women can’t take very many medications when they’re sick because they’re bad for baby. The medications I CAN take, I don’t have access to in China. So basically, I’m feel like I’m dying a slow and painful death as this cold moves into my sinuses. Yesterday, the only relief I had was when I tied a hot water bottle to my head in an effort to melt the gunk in my sinuses.

Yes, picture that if you will. I tied a hot water bottle to my head.

I’m spending my days moaning in pain and watching Stargate Atlantis (almost done Season 3), with a hot water bottle strapped to my face.

Oh, and this cold seems to have triggered my morning sickness, so I’m also vomiting all the time.

I’m not loving being pregnant right now, let me tell you.

So maybe I’m an aunt

I don’t know if I ever posted about this, but nine months ago, my brother had a one-night-stand with a girl who said she was on The Pill and I guess they didn’t use condoms because low and behold, she called him afterwards and said she was pregnant. This girl, it turns out, also slept with my best friend’s boyfriend before my brother and pulled the same stunt. Told him she was on The Pill, they had sex, she said she was pregnant. In an email exchange with my best friend, this girl admitted to wanting a baby and trying to get pregnant.

The sad part is that this girl has no permanent job, no family and no friends. I would call her white trash, but she may be the mother of my future nephew so I’ll reserve nasty comments.

Anyway, at ultrasounds (that my mother went to because OMG she was going to be a grandma!), the technician said that the baby was two weeks older than what it could be if it was my brothers. Now, I’ve been to one of these ultrasounds and they pinpointed the exact day that I conceived. So, ummm. Suspicious.

Throughout this pregnancy my brother has been kind of a mess. I mean, he’s 25-years-old and he’s been entrapped into potentially being a father FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE because he had a one-night-stand with a girl who was out to get pregnant. Because I’m sorry, if there’s an ‘accident’ (by accident I mean they were too drunk to use condoms), she should have gone to the pharmacy to get the morning after pill, which is what a normal person would have done.

I feel for my brother, I really do. But, he’s made some impressive changes in his life should this child be his. He’s applied for and gotten a great promotion at work and now works in an office closer to his house – it’s snapped him out of being a kid. She’s had minimal contact with him for nine months – and my brother hasn’t really made an effort to contact her. I mean, he hardly knows her and until there’s a paternity test, it could be anyone’s baby, so why get emotionally involved?

Fast-forward to last Sunday, and she’s had the baby (a boy!) but now she’s backing out of doing a paternity test because she’s not comfortable with it.

W00t?!?

Oh, but she still wants money from my brother.

I’ve spoken with my brother and told him no court will make him pay child support unless there’s a paternity test and to let her threaten away but until a lab confirms that he’s the father, he doesn’t owe her shit. (I’ve asked several lawyers about this.)

*sigh*

All of this makes me wonder what kind of girl would deliberately go out and get pregnant when she has no means of supporting herself, no job, and no family for support. What was missing in her life that she felt could only be filled with a child? Whatever it is, I think she’ll soon realize that the baby won’t make her whole again and the real loser in this scenario is the baby.

Unless, of course, this baby is my nephew. And then I’m going to be my damn best to make sure he knows what the word ‘family’ means.

It’s official, I’m in love.

On the ultrasound, we saw this little thing wiggle around and its little heart beating up a storm. Hubby cried, which made me cry. Now I can’t stop looking at the picture and thinking, "Holy shit, this is INSIDE me!"

Puppy, I love you but…

… why did you have to vomit on the rug that I brought back from the dry-cleaner FIVE MINUTES AGO? I get that you ate a piece of pork bone when I took you for a walk (that I tried unsuccessfully to pry out of your mouth) but you could have vomited anywhere else but on the rug that I just got cleaned.

I love you, but I wish you had more common sense.

8 weeks and 3 days

I’ve been torn about whether or not to keep a baby journal. Part of me thinks it’s sweet and the other part (the dominant part) thinks it’s tacky and pointless because really, will my child ever care about the fact that by the time I was 8 weeks pregnant I had lost 10 pounds because I couldn’t eat anything? That EVERYTHING made me want to vomit, and that I was severely constipated? Probably not. Even if I wanted to, I can’t buy one here so it’s kind of moot.

I’ve read that losing weight in the beginning is normal, and don’t get me wrong, usually I would be all for losing weight. Except that regarless of my weight-loss, my pants are too tight and I spend most of time in yoga pants because they’re the only ones that fit. So, losing weight, but belly expanding. Totally not fair.

Also, my new B cup size is uncharted territory. I’ve always been a small A cup, and now I’m busting out of a B cup and I have no ides how to handle these bigger boobs, and the cleavage. Oh my sweet baby Jesus, the cleavage. Hubby loves it, of course, but I can’t help but feel slutty most of the time with these big boobs and cleavage. Like, HELLO! LOOK AT MY BOOBS! Most of the time I try to wear loose, baggy tops because we’re not telling anyone yet and if people start noticing that my boobs are bigger the cat’s out of the bag.

Some people have made comments, but I try to laugh it off, "Oh, you wouldn’t believe what a Wonder Bra does these days!"

And see, now I’m hungry (I’m ALWAYS hungry) and off to eat one of the three things that appeal to me right now; plain yogurt, Weetabix (to help with the constipation but also bland enough to not make me want to vomit), and toast with peanut butter. I’ve been living off these things for the past two weeks.

I should probably eat more vegetables, but guess what? The thought of eating something green makes me want to vomit.

It’s all about me

We’re dog sitting a friend’s dog for a couple week while they’re on vacation. I mention this only because it adds to my exaustion, having these two dogs to walk all the time. I’m tired ALL. THE. TIME. Also, I’m hungry ALL. THE. TIME. But the thing is, I can’t eat anything because the minute I get close to food, I gag. I have to force yogurt down my throat in the morning and the only thing I seem to be able to eat without throwing up are Tater Tots and roasted carrots.

Seriously.

This prego thing sucks. And only 33 more weeks to go!

Another side effect of this pregnancy is that I want to be the centre of attention around Hubby, and if I’m not – I cry. This morning he was whining because I didn’t come back to bed after walking the dogs to give him a hug. Inside I’m thinking, "OH REALLY! WHAT ABOUT ME? I’M PREGNANT AND EXHAUSTED AND I WALKED THE DOGS AND I DESERVE A GODAMNED MEDAL!" but what I said was, "Oh grow up." And then I cried.

Plus he took my favourite name (Olive) off the baby name list and I’m PISSED about that.

PLUS, I’m so bloated because I can’t poop (maybe cause I’m not drinking coffee?) that I can’t fit into any of my pants.